Friday, December 19, 2008

2008 In a Nutshell..

So ok...
every year I do a little recap of the trials and tribulations of yours truly, analyze the differences between then and now, and go through some great epiphany of lessons learned or some gay shit like that..
Lets see if we can do that without writing a whole fucking novel:

Winter 08'
SL/RL: Beginning of the year I was the "dumpee and dumper" (figure that one out)
SL: Leyla Christensen is declared Noscar winner for Best in Drama & Best Dj
(Thats right..I fuckin EARNED IT!)
and I pissed some ppl off..

Spring 08'
SL: I teamed up with my Fam and together, we continue to preserve a legacy that will continue as long as pixels exist..
RL: A 7 year friendship morphed into something unexpected..but welcomed.
And i pissed some more ppl off..

Summer 08'
SL/RL: I got to ride the coasters with my wifey/sissy and almost threw up.. GOOD TIMES GOOD TIMES!
A few more ppl got pissed off..

Fall 08'
SL: An unexpected alliance was formed, with the end result being a friendship that rocks as hard as caliban
SL/RL: I got to tango with the "core hedonist" and my wifey in RL..and we watched a hot bass baritone pour wine all over his 6 pack abs in NYC on my 30th bday..(NOW THATS A GIFT!!)
I REALLY pissed some ppl off..

Winter 08'
SL: Chupapinki still smells like old cheese..but shes had my back through all the bullshit..thats why I still love her and haven't killed her..yet..
People got pissed off and tried to counter but I laughed at them and they got more pissed..

So what does this all mean in Leyology?

1)What ppl dont know, cant hurt you, only benefit you.
2)What ppl DO most likely what you WANT them to know which makes them morons.
3)Friendships come from the darnedest places..and they're usually better than what they actually manifested from..(and did I just say "darnedest?")
4)Don't eat pizza before getting on a roller coaster
5)I Love old cheese..
6)When you stop pissing people're boring.
7)Its true..I get away with EVERYTHING!

2009 here I come..hard.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

You KNEW this was coming..

*Mushes Leyla to the side and takes the keyboard*

Lettsss dissect this for a second shall we?

"The thoughts and epiphanies by Leyla Christensen"
Scratch that.

What you get here in MY area..Sabrina'a area is the real deal. And honestly, this is it. I'm putting this to bed and brushing it off my shoulder..
but of course, not without my signature twist.

So I get a cut and paste of this broads profile and it reads as follows..

Some things people just don't need to know...
Use Your imagination and twist it to your hearts delight..
Not that its needed... but, here are a few... to get you started
the x girlfriends ass...
Emo and insecure lil kittens..
Funny lil playthings...
the sound made when Papi bangs a loose snatch...
And an even louder sound when he bangs the even bigger mouth..
Unfortunate that... I will never know.. Mute is a beautiful thing....
Bad Squishy Bad Squishy...

(Well I guess someones been visiting here hm?)
Concerned much with what I put in here are you? And yes my darling mute is a fabulous thing..considering that I haven't spoken to your man in months.. considering you took it upon yourself to contact me about some old text messages that were in his phone. Considering that you were sneaking through his shit and brought all of this upon YOURSELF. What I would think you would be concerning yourself with is the fact that he hasn't seen his sons even longer, that they're growing up without their father and that he pretty much gave up on them but hey I guess wrapping yourself up in THIS is less of a challenge for you than trying to help him be a better father.
Yes I went there. I was perfectly fine with leaving things alone. I changed my number so I wouldn't have to hear from him. Broke off ALL contact with him and wished him well. Yep I laughed about it, made a parody, as its my god given right to do so. Just as much as its my right to put You in Your place in MY forum.
So lets backtrack a little bit:
This lil tidbit came into my possession a few days ago..and we're gonna analyze this juuust a smidgen as we go along:

The Broad: please talk to me this is my real life.. and I am scared and hurting
Mirari Cheney: Im just a little surprised.. your saying 2 years and when i was with him as Dirk.. he never mentioned it
The Broad: I know
The Broad: he left you when I found out about you and him
The Broad: cus we were rl
The Broad: cus I got so sick when I found out
Mirari Cheney: but he was rl with leyla when he came to me
The Broad: that was when he and I were not together
The Broad: he didnt talkto me
The Broad: he vanished for like six months
The Broad: or more
(Try a year and six months my dear)
The Broad: he never spoke to me of leyla
(which would mean that you know jack shit about me and you should have left it at that.)
The Broad: so he was with leyla when he and I were no longer tlaking
The Broad: suppose when he went rl with her
Mirari Cheney: yes he was
The Broad: I would never hurt anyone
The Broad: I would never be with a manwho had a girl
The Broad: or wife or anything
(correct me if i'm wrong but hm..wasn't he married these couple of years ago that they were "playing" with each other?)
The Broad: I wont even be wioht a man who is dating others...
The Broad: I dont compete dont need too dont want too
(*golf claps*)
Nope you don't need to compete. You don't need to compete with the kids he never sees, the ghost of a dead friend from 6 years ago, or even the woman sitting here right now that at this point seriously does not give a damn about the current consequences. Whatever Mark may have or have not told you about me, little girl, is this..
I. Just. Dont. Give. A. Fuck.
And I made this CLEAR to your man after he did me the favor of breaking it off with me:
My son..MY NO SUBSITUTE or REPLACEMENT for the one that he gave up on.
And as far as the imagination wandering about The Papi banging a loose snatch..(lol I actually will give her credit for that one cause I laughed when I read it) heres a thought..
Ask your man. He can give his own personal testimony.

That being said..
Episode on it.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Case Of The Exes (Version 2.2: The Verdict)

The Judge had a stiffy.
"callll meeee" he uttered in Mir's direction.
"ALL RISE!"said the court guard.
"Too late for the judge" Mirari mumbled as Leyla snorted..

"Ladies & Gents of the Jury..have you reached a verdict?"
"we have, your honor." The hot foreman quoted. (hey this is MY story..if I say hes hot then hes hot, goddammit)

"We the jury find the defendants, based on lack of evidence, Not Guilty of the charges brought against them."
"Considering the "relation-shit" you both underwent with the prosecution, I consider your incarceration as "time-served" dismissed"

Mir & Ley piggybacked outside the courthouse to the flashing of the cameras and big, bulging microphones in their faces..(shut up! MY story!)

"Mir! Mir! how does it feel to be cleared of all the charges?"

"I just want to say that I'm relieved that all this is I can get back to whats important: Music, perv cams and judges who need some funky dope lovin" She replied as she twirled a slightly used collar around her finger..

"'ve been pretty quiet during this whole ordeal..a lot of people say that this has effected you the most based on your past history with the prosecution..theres even been word that you may go back on the air to vindicate yourself and reveal "the real story" behind all of that true?"

She takes a breath..looking over at the two as they quietly leave the courthouse..avoiding the questions of "are you retarded? how come you cant trust your man? and wtf is a squishy? have you been watching finding nemo too much? Or is it Finding Emo?..
She laughs a bit to herself as The Owner tugs at His property's collar, yanking her into the backseat of the lime green pinto.

"A waste of time my friend..I got better things to do." She replies as she looks over to her papi chulo at the foot of the stairs with her son in his arms.

" I will say this though..Mistakes happen. And trust is something that is earned, yes this is true. But if you cant trust yourself and be happy with the cards that you've been dealt, then you're screwed from the start. You don't get with someone to be safe from the big bad world, and you don't rely on them to make you feel safe..if you're that weak that you need to rely on someone else to provide you with security then you deserve everything that comes your way. You're with someone for the wrong reasons..and not alone for the right ones. Luckily for me, I don't have that problem."

"Yea what she said" Mir shouts as she cops a feel from the judge..

And thats how it happened..cause I said so, knaaameaaannn?

The Case of The Exes (Version 2.1: The Deliberation)

So the defendants sat in their chairs.tapping their fingers in annoyance waiting for the jury to step out and give their verdict..poking each other in the ribs and mumbling about "perv cams"..
O.o.."wtf is a perv cam?" Leyla asked..
"I'll show ya once we get the hell outta here" Mir said.
Leyla leans back in her chair..still pondering why the fuck shes sitting here in the first place. Her mind drifts back to dissect the reasons she would even be here, summing it up in just a few words:
Insecurity. Disrespect. Stupidity.
Does she regret being here? She asks herself. Then she glances over to Mirari and notices her shaking her hooters at the judge as his mouth drops open.. regrets..
Cause this shit was fuckin funny.
How two people..who pretty much..well..don't give a rats ass about the prosecution were sitting there facing judgment over something so school musical..
Leyla toggles her lip..thinking about her papi chulo..wondering what position they're gonna try next time..just before Mir slaps her upside the head:
"stop that." She says..
A burst of laughter could be heard from the Jury's chambers..the effects of the EMOBGONE that Leyla put in the room were taking effect..

Yea..this ones in the bag.

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Case of The Exes (Version 2.0)

Ladies and gentleman of the jury..The evidence the defense has to present is quite compelling in this case..over the next few weeks, you'll have quite the eye openers..the things you'll hear will shock you..make your jaws drop, shake your head and put it plainly..
make you laugh your asses off..

In less than a 30 day period, two former spouses have been approached by the prosecution..with NO concrete evidence, NO forethought and well with one major lacking capability..
Common Sense.

The now labeled "dynamic duo" sit here before you...facing unjust accusations of attempting to take something that they no longer have a desire for. Based on outdated text messages, former collars long forgotten, and unvalidated insecurities by the prosecution. In a desperate attempt to cling to what they already have, the prosecution has taken it upon themselves to do their own feeble minded "investigation" and blatantly make pleads to not reveal the information discussed..which will in fact BE revealed so you, the jury, can determine that the "dynamic duo" is in so many words, innocent of the accusations presented before them...

Now what does that all mean in Leyla terms?..
Did I NOT say to stop looking for issues?
You would THINK that common sense would prevail here and people would learn to just leave things would THINK that instead of some low self esteem broad reaching out to the ex girlfriends, that she would just oh, I to her man?..

"hes my heart I love him so much.. we live together.. hes the best thing that ever happened to me..: please talk to me this is my real life.. and I am scared and hurting.."

Annndd we're supposed to care because?...
How many times do I have to say it here people?..
WE dont want your man...WE HAD your man. Be content with your surroundings and stay out of what does that mean in "Leyology"?
Dont start none..wont be none..
And now..youve started.
Im more than happy to finish it.
To be Concluded..

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

& What did i say?..Didnt I say it?

"its jsut the typicle girl thing I suppose"

"finding the x text msg and numbers in the cellphone"

"but it was nice to see your in a realtionship.. comforting"

Letttsss dissect this for a second...shall we?

So of course, you people knew I was going to say something no?

"The T-Y-P-I-C-A-L girl thing"
Typical hm? That someone finds it necessary to go snooping through their mans things when hes not looking and make contact with people from his past? You would think that if such an effort of energy was made that they would contact people a little bit more important. Like who for instance? Oh I dunno...maybe a couple of kids who don't have their father around anymore...but hey thats just me.

"finding the x text msg and numbers in the cellphone"
Do I look like miss T-mobile? Contrary to popular belief, I dont control the actions of other people. If someone wants to save a text message that I sent weeks or even months ago, whose problem is that? And news flash to the insecure individuals out there. Exes, given their range of MATURITY, can still be friends after parting ways...yes..oh my god..its possible! WHO KNEW??!

"but it was nice to see your in a relationship.. comforting"
Well so nice to see that you have a peaked interest in my personal life. Its comforting to you is it? I'm sure its much more comforting to me. In fact you can bank on it. Whats not so comforting for those people I'm sure is them festering in their own conscious about not trusting their significant other enough? Was it because they were the other person in their current relationship and the fear of karma coming full circle would do to them what they did to someone else? The world may never know..That being said.
I don't want your man. I had your man. And I have something that is beyond any relationship that I could have comprehended.
They say that trust is a greater compliment than love. Good luck trying to find that. While you're sitting there doubting and festering for it..I'm blessed in my life to have both.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

This post is for Ready Freddy..

Yes...he takes full responsibility for it.
Yes He inspired it.

but it was alllways festering..and rather than let these losers stress us out and make us go all BOO HOO..hell why not just have a good laugh? Thats always the best remedy..That being said suckas...
You better be there...